Wednesday, January 8, 2014

hi, 2014

today is the first day of 2014 that i am a functioning person.
illness. stomach flu. worst.

so hello 2014, you are here and i am a person.

and i can breath in fucking oxygen and i can drink ice water and feel it go down.

and reading this beautiful letter again brings me such satisfaction, with right now, with my disheveled hair, with bodies guided by brains, with my few but entirely irreplaceable people,

with a blank slate of living ahead, the appeal of what it could be, what i could make it with a few tweaks of the brain.

so, satisfaction, 2014.

if there is one thing i resolute, it is to allow myself to Not.

i spend a gross amount of time (my time, my dwindling time!) agonizing over all the things i'm not doing.

i have the ability and tools to paint but rarely do. why aren't you painting? 
why aren't you writing letters to people you like? seriously. why are you here?

and i dwell, and feel guilt.
and while i realize that this dwelling and angst will never fully go away, i need to tone it down because it's a complete waste of time.
you know.
how are we to be satisfied in 2014 if we keep being dwellers?!

if i want to take an evening to squash into a couch, drink sauvignon blanc, binge watch a tv show (i and bounce the remote on my stomach, it is cool.
how about no guilt necessary.

and a secondary resolution..stop saying awesome so much.
but also don't dwell on that conversation earlier when i said awesome too many times.

last year at this time i was making almondy pancakes.
this time i'm eating eggs.
and they're awesome.
magnificent, wondrous, stunning !

1 comment:

  1. i'm going to allow myself to not not have dessert right now!