it was late. i was still up, sitting, doing what i usually do. feeling bored and sick of myself.
suddenly. large pounding sounds came from the back.
was that an earthquake? no.
was it rosie o'donnell coming after me with a cheeseburger? no.
holy fuck. i'm not kidding. it's a dinosaur.
it's going to make it's way out here.
i saw it's face. it looks big and wrinkly and like it could bite my face off in one swift chomp.
it's there. what the fuck do i do? do i play dead like you're supposed to with sharks?
it moved toward me. shit. balls. could i train it to be my dinosaur pet? crap. it's going to eat me. it smells bad.
i laid still. i thought about how i was going to die. jeff goldblum flashed through my mind.
i thought of my parents.
my mom is upstairs watching the bachelor. i wonder if it will go upstairs.
what if the dinosaur killed based on a person's television selections? shit...he'll definitely get her.
this is it.
whatever will be will be.
i'll definitely be on the national news.
it's tail bashed over the flowers in the ugly vase and it stopped.
it looked at me. and holy hell, opened it's mouth.
"you need to knock it off. really."
"...what?" (ohmygodohmygod what is happening.)
"i'm sure it must get a little complicated with your things like wearing shoes and text etiquette, but you fucking humans...you're being dumb. it's your turn right now and you're doing it all wrong. leave it to your futuristic brains to overcomplicate a simple thing, the simplest thing. Everyone ever, we're all essentially waiting to die. you need to pluck yourself off that comfy couch and stop thinking about everything so hard. what is the point of feeling stuck? what is the point of feeling unbearably nervous? fine, i know you can't help it at times, i hate public speaking too. but really, enjoy stuff. don't just act like you enjoy stuff while you suppress the other stresses in your brain, only to return to them later. stop it. seriously. feel good. appreciate things that make you feel good. appreciate your thumbs. go see machu picchu, because that shit is reeeediculous. be impulsive, dammit. because why the shit not? you're gonna die in a little, remember?
and don't come at me with those afterlife and reincarnation theories. shut up. you don't really know. Now is the time.
alright. that's it. so, julia. what are you going to make it?"
i realized i was holding my breath.
it stretched up tall. it's nostrils flared as it caught a scent that made it's dino knees buckle. it pivoted and b-lined it to the kitchen.
it put the whole zucchini bundt i had just made into its mouth, then grabbed the tv off the wall and slung it under it's arm thing.
"hm, good. was that lemon? i'm taking this, you don't need it. Bye."
and it let himself out the side door.
Zucchini Olive Oil Cake with Crunchy Lemon Glaze
adapted from Gina DePalma's Dolce Italiano via Lottie and Doof
notes on this cake: it's goood. i've had this stashed on my to-make list for what feels like forever.
it's a lovely balance of summer freshness and spicy comfort.
the crumb is perfectly moist and the top part coated with the tart glaze is the best part, naturally.
1 cup pecan pieces
2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp kosher salt
1 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp ground ginger
1/2 tsp freshly ground nutmeg
3 large eggs
1 3/4 cups sugar
1 cup extra-virgin olive oil
2 tsp vanilla extract
2 1/2 cups grated zucchini (about 2 small-medium zucchini)
1/4 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice
1/3 cup granulated sugar
1 cup confectioners' sugar
preheat the oven to 350 degreesF. grease a 10 inch bundt pan or 2 loaf pans and dust them with flour.
place pecans in a single layer on a baking sheet and toast them until they are aromatic, 8-12 minutes. cool completely and then finely chop.
sift the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and spices into a medium bowl and set aside. in an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat the eggs, sugar, and olive oil together on medium speed until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. then beat in the vanilla extract. scrape down the sides of the bowl as needed. beat in the dry ingredients all at once on low speed until they are thoroughly combined. then switch to medium speed and mix for 30 seconds. mix in the zucchini and pecans on low speed until incorporated.
pour the batter into prepared pans, smoothing the top with a spatula. bake the cake(s) for 40-50 minutes or until a tester comes out clean and the cake has begun to pull away from the sides of the pan.
while the cake is finishing baking, prepare the glaze. in a medium bowl, whisk together the lemon juice and sugar, then whisk in the confectioners' sugar until the glaze is smooth.
allow the cake to cool in the pan for 10-15 minutes. then carefully invert onto a wire rack. using a pastry brush, immediately brush the glaze over the entire surface of the warm cake, using all of the glaze; it will adhere to the cake and set as the cake cools. allow the cake to cool completely and the glaze to dry.