i've been a little of a mess lately. everything's all over the place..me, my brain, my clothes, my eating habits, my slightly clumsy awkward ways.
i feel tired. i'm overwhelmed, i'm bored, excited, and not excited.
i've been getting honked at on my bike a lot, one guy even yelled. it makes me nervous.
i've been surviving off of brownie batter, cheddar cheese cubes, sticky bun scraps, and cereal. in a very not good way. my stomach and my heart and my blood have good reason to be quite pissed off at me.
i make biscuits by hand almost every day of my life. and not like 30...like 300. that must be doing something strange to my brain.
the other night, i was laying in bed, and i dropped my phone on my face.
maybe i was hallucinating and thought i was holding a biscuit.
i was not. it was an iphone. it really hurt.
my hair is either in work position - low super tight bun, jutting bobby pins, covered with a baseball hat.
or ridiculous knot mess bun on top of the head.
i'm having a hard time remembering the last time i looked particularly put together.
i went to a crosby stills nash show with my parents. they were rockin, i was falling asleep in my lap with kettle corn stuck in my scarf.
i was out in the world at a shin dig, in a room with well-groomed, seeming sophisticates.
within ten minutes of being there, i bit into a cream puff, and the cream shoots out the other end.
i somehow catch the cream before it lands on my clothes, while trying to lick off the additional cream that made its way onto my chin, and i have a drink in the other hand.
trying to look graceful in this situation is out of the question.
i have even been dreaming about myself doing weird embarrassing things, and then waking up the next day feeling ashamed and dumb, all in the dream.
this has been my life, i'm hoping to snap myself out of it soon.
in the meantime, i'll just keep baking and dropping phones on my face.
coconut cream pie is too dang good. add bananas and, it is, for me, the ultimate pie.
i have read some crazy good tales of seattle's dahlia bakery, and it's famed coconut cream pie.
and the recipe is out in the world! for everyone to bake up and savor, slice by slice.
with a coconut crust, a custardy coconut cream, an added layer of bananas, a blanket of whipped cream and a finish of toasted coconut and white chocolate..it's certainly dreamy.
better than any party cream puff that i could ever drop on myself.
Triple Coconut Cream Pie with Bananas
adapted from Tom Douglas of Dahlia Bakery
for the coconut pie crust:
1 cup + 2 tbsp all-purpose flour
1/2 cup sweetened shredded coconut
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, cold
1 tbsp sugar
1/4 tsp kosher salt
1/3 cup ice water, plus more if needed
for the coconut pastry cream:
2 cups whole milk
1 1/2 cups sweetened shredded coconut
1 vanilla bean, split in half lengthwise
2 large eggs
1/2 cup + 2 tbsp sugar
3 tbsp all-purpose flour
1/4 cup (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, softened
for whipped cream:
2 cups heavy cream, chilled
1/3 cup sugar
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
2 bananas, sliced
2 ounces unsweetened shaved coconut toasted in a 350 degree F oven for 7 minutes
a small chunk of white chocolate, shaved into curls
for the crust: put all the ingredients, besides water in a food processor. pulse until it becomes coarse crumbs. add water a few tbsp at a time, pulsing in between, until dough holds together when pressed between your fingers.
dump dough onto a sheet of plastic and press into a disc, cover with plastic and refrigerate for an hour.
roll dough onto a floured surface into a 12-13 inch circle. ease the dough gently into a 9 inch pie pan (i used a deep fluted tart pan), and trim the excess. chill at least 1 hour before baking.
preheat oven to 400 degreesF. place a sheet of aluminum foil or parchment paper in the pie crust extending over the edges and fill with dried beans or pie weights. bake for 20-25 minutes until rim is golden. remove from oven, discard foil and beans, and return to oven. bake for 10-12 minutes more, until golden. remove and cool completely on a wire rack.
for the coconut pastry cream: combine milk and coconut in a medium saucepan. scrape the seeds from the vanilla bean and add both the seeds and the pod to the milk mixture. place the saucepan over medium heat and stir occasionally until the mixture comes to a boil.
in a bowl, whisk together the eggs, sugar, and flour until well combined. temper the eggs (to keep them from scrambling) by pouring 1/3 cup of the scalded milk into the egg mixture while whisking. then add the warmed egg mixture to the saucepan of milk and coconut. whisk over medium-high heat until the pastry cream thickens and begins to bubble. keep whisking until the mixture is very thick, 4-5 minutes more.
remove saucepan from heat. add the butter and whisk until it melts. remove and discard the vanilla bean pod. transfer the pastry cream to a bowl and place it over a bowl of ice water, stir occasionally until it's completely cool. place a piece of plastic wrap directly on the surface of the cream to prevent it from forming a skin. refrigerate until completely cold. the pastry cream with thicken as it cools.
for whipped cream: in an electric mixer, whip the heavy cream with the sugar and vanilla on medium speed, gradually increasing the speed to high and whip to peaks