i come to you today lovingly, with a figure of speech lesson.
a simile: pretzels are like life.
they're misshapen, and look kinda weird at first. sometimes it seems like they might not come out right, like you're doing it wrong.
but in the end, they totally work out. they're oddball shape makes them even more beautiful.
and they taste phenomenal, especially dunked in mustard.
i wanna dunk my life in mustard sometimes. or perhaps my arm, i'd settle for an arm.
now a metaphor: pretzels are my life.
i would not exist, were it not for the pretzel. without its salty surface and tender chew, i would just die.
i need to eat them in order to live, breathe, and be content in my days.
they're just too good.
these pretzels you see before you, they are lovers, not fighters.
like most things, they are enhanced with cheese.
parmesan, though i imagine any gratable cheese would be just grand
GRAND, I tell you!
grand soft pretzels that fit right in my hand.
poetry is my thing today. i rhymed my order at the coffee shop. it was not on purpose, and i felt awkward about it after.
eat pretzel twists hot from the oven. maybe make something with cabbage, drink beer, and declare it German feast night!
maybe split one in half and make the sandwich of your dreams.
i wish i had enough leftover to make pretzel bread pudding with apples and cheddar and more mustard...but alas, i don't.
drats! rats! i love pretzels!
Parmesan Soft Pretzel Twists
adapted from Alton Brown, inspired by MB Post
1 1/2 cups warm water (110-115 degrees F)
1 tbsp sugar
2 tsp kosher salt
1 package active dry yeast
22 ounces all-purpose flour, about 4 1/2 cups
2 ounces (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, melted and cooled
vegetable oil for pan
10 cups water
2/3 cup baking soda
1 egg yolk beaten with 1 tbsp water
grated parmesan, about 1/4 cup
combine the warm water, sugar, and kosher salt in the bowl of a stand mixer and sprinkle the yeast on top. allow to sit for 5 minutes or until the mixture begins to foam. add the flour and butter and using the dough hook attachment, mix on low speed until well combined. change to medium speed and knead dough until the dough is smooth and pulls away from the side of the bowl, approximately 4 minutes. remove the dough from the bowl, clean the bowl and then oil it well with vegetable oil. return the dough to the bowl, cover with plastic wrap and let it sit in a warm place for approximately 50-55 minutes until the dough has doubled in size.
preheat the oven to 450. line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper and brush with vegetable oil. set aside.
bring the 10 cups of water and the baking soda to a rolling boil in an 8 quart pan.
in the meantime, turn the dough out onto a slightly oiled work surface and divide into 14 equal pieces. roll out each piece of dough into a rope, make a U-shape, and twist.
place the pretzels in the boiling water, 2-3 at a time for 45 seconds to a minute, flipping over with a spatula halfway through. remove them from the water with a spatula and place on the sheet pan. repeat with the rest of the pretzels. brush the top of each pretzel with the egg wash and sprinkle liberally with coarse salt. top with a sprinkling of grated parmesan and bake until dark golden brown in color, about 12-14 minutes.
eat warm, with mustard and beer.